asked in Love+Relationships by (451 points) 1 7
There are some parts in the world where it's the culture for a man to marry more than one wife. So, my question now bears that should you find yourself in such part of the world, would you be open to becoming a second wife or stay single till you are married as the first wife? 

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9 Answers

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answered by LEGEND (6,391 points) 5 10 21
edited by
I cannot be a second wife instead of that, I prefer being a single mom. I have an aunt whose married a second wife and she's going through a lot but still stuck to that marriage and I fail to understand why. As long as am independent, having my own home and job, I don't think i will need a man in my life because that kind is very stressful because of pressure from every corner, the other wife, husband and the in laws.

According to my views, I think accepting to be a second wife is like trying to destroy another home. Even though you'll be accepted, not everyone will love and will always see you from another perspective. Also, the first wife will always receive all the attention than you. I hence don't think being married a second wife can be an option to me.
replied by (451 points) 1 7
All I can say is that in our modern world today, it's very hard for most women to agree becoming a second wife because it seems like they're never going to have peace in the house. But I'm very sure that in the olden days before the advent of Christianity, our forefathers married more than one wife and they all lived happily together.
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answered by VISIONARY (9,003 points) 6 10 19
No,if I was to be a lady I will never succumb to the pressure of being a second wife and as a man I will never marry a second wife even if my religion or culture should permit or promote that. Marrying or being a second wife isn't biblical and to me isn't right.For the mere fact the Bible is against that,then it isn't right.We have our own spouses so we shouldn't allow desperation or covetousness make us grab what isn't ours or rightfully belong to us.Sometimes I don't understand the reason for a second wife when no one is perfect.So are we saying the second wife would make a better wife because I know everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses so being a second wife isn't  a guarantee that the man will be much more happy.

A woman should just find her own husband.
replied by LEGEND (6,007 points) 5 9 19
Sometimes it isn't because the first wife is lacking in any aspect. It is just to satisfy manly ego. Some men that don't marry second wives cheat instead. 
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answered by (43 points) 2
I would not like to become a second wife.I am imagining my life in a traditional way,husband and wife.I know,that there are different cultures in the world,where you can find different traditions,but I could not accept it,to be the second wife.Maybe people,who live in countries,where it is possible for a man to have more wives,people are accustomed to it,and see nothing extraordinary in it.I know,that there are different cultures all around the world with different traditions.

I have seen only in movies,where the husband had more wives,in real life I do not know any man,who has more than one wife.I think it is not a pleasant feeling for a woman to be the second wife.Maybe some women are accepting this role,because they have no other options in their lifes.
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answered by LEGEND (6,077 points) 6 9 22
If were a girl my answer would be emphatically no. I can't see myself getting married to a man that has already married. It is against my belief. I often refer to such men as second hand including those ones that have divorced their wives. Sometimes I kind of wonder what actually makes this women marry such men while we have countless numbers of unmarried guys out there.

When a thought like that hits me the first thing that comes to my mind is maybe there is something that attracted them. Presumably, it could be money, because most girls of nowadays are money worshippers. They like to reap where they did not sow. They would prefer an already cooked food instead of contributing to its cooking.

Obviously, it would be absurd if they claimed that is because of love that made them to do it. That is their own cup of tea of been a second wife to an already married man. But as for me I can't.
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answered by LEGEND (6,007 points) 5 9 19
This is common practice in my society. I come from a place where it isn't uncommon to see a man married to even more than two wives. There are men here that are married to up to four wives. Amidst all these, I cannot succumb to being a second. It is never really okay to be in polygamy and I cannot be the reason for another woman's sadness and resentment.

I can only imagine the feeling of having to share a man with someone else. This is the root cause of a lot of things in a home especially when they all live together. Envy, jealousy, pure hatred etc. That is a very unhealthy relationship that I don't wish upon anyone. Plus in such societies, being the first wife doesn't really secure your position because you are likely to have rivals. So it doesn't matter your position, it matters whether the man is a polygamist.

I think such men should learn to be content with one woman for the rest of their lives. It isn't a right.
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answered by ELITE (4,052 points) 5 13 41
This is not legal in the UK but I know it is in certain cultures.  I personally would not like to share a man with another woman. I think it would cause jealousy issues with me especially if I felt the husband favoured the other woman.  I would much rather be on my own and after my marriage failed I did learn to become independent and raised my children for the most part alone. It wasn't so bad although financially I did struggle at times.

I suppose it depends on how you have been raised. Most of us are conditioned to believe that we should be with one mate although there are those that believe that men are not naturally monogamous which is why some cheat.  For me it would be all or nothing and although I am quite happy for my partner to have female friends I would not like him to have an intimate relationship with another woman.
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answered by ELITE (3,548 points) 3 7 11
If you are talking about how things were when looking up the history of of African society, it would be very clear that being a second wife is not a big deal. In fact, some women took pride in becoming a second wife back then. The way they see it is that, they are too pretty enough to make an already married man to do anything and marry them ahead of their first wife.

Come to think of it, I can actually say that back then, men lived longer than what we have today with some wicked women who deal with their husband in such a horrible manner. But back then, the wives try everything to please their husband and be in good terms with him because if she falls out of favor with the husband, he will pick another wife as his favorite. Although sometimes, it breeds unhealthy relationships between the wives but it makes them love their husband more.
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answered by LEGEND (6,078 points) 2 10 28
I would love to be the second wife if the first wife of my future husband is already annulled or she already passed away. If they are still having problems, I guess I will adopt that problems if I will commit to relationship. It is safer if the man I love is not in anyway connected to his first wife. In reality, if I love the man and he wants to marry me, sometimes it is hard to decide if what I want to become. I really don't know what will happen. I am not sure if I will follow my heart or my brain. I think i will follow what makes me happy when it happens. When true love comes, sometimes you didn't think what is your position in the relationship but that is truly wrong. You should not let yourself to be in trouble with anyone during that relationship.
replied by ELITE (4,052 points) 5 13 41
Good point, I hadn't thought about this. I was thinking more in terms of being married to a man with several wives. I could definitely be a second wife if the first one had died, that wouldn't be a problem for me at all. 
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answered by ELITE (3,008 points) 2 6 13
It is the desire of every woman to be tied to one man without share of anything which to an extent is not bad, however if we must be very realistic about the continuous growth in population which statistically has more of women to men ratio will no doubt leave women with no option than to be second wife.
By the virtue of the religions we practice,  they all prohibits fornication or aldutery. It is not for a woman who is not married to become a mother except she must SIn against God.
The act of marrying more than one wife is a normal thing in my country especially from the northern part of the country. The secret to successful polygamous home is to have wives from very good homes,  enough money to take care of them and both of them should be educated.
Personally If I am a female I will not mind been a second wife for the sake of God.

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