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asked in Social+Philosophy by ELITE (3,054 points) 8 36 67
No matter how I try to remain nice and calm, there are still people who just make me lose my patience. I don't know if pissing other people off makes them happy or anything, but I do hope they'll realize that what they're doing won't do them any good. Recently, these people just keeps coming at me. I am not good at confrontations, and I do not want to engage in unhealthy arguments. What do you think should I do?
replied by (658 points) 2 7 24
I stop being kind when I see that my kindness is taken for granted. You can be so good to some people and they end up being bad to you and expect that you will continue being good. 
replied by VISIONARY (9,061 points) 5 21 52
When I've had enough of a person taking advantage of me. I am a kind person and I do so much for others. But in the end, it is always me who is left out and feeling betrayed by the ones I help. It seems that some people will take advantage of you all the time and always want from you. They will yell at you and treat you badly, but when they need help you are the first one they run to. I had to finally make a decision that I would no longer accept this in my life. Now if a person yells at me and wants something afterward, I don't do it anymore. I stop being kind as you put it. 
replied by ELITE (3,662 points) 7 15 56
When people are abusing your kindness and don't compromise anymore,that's when you stop it.
replied by ELITE (3,548 points) 4 25 92
The truth of the matter is that some people don't really deserve being showed any kindness because they don't know how to show appreciation. 

When you don't appreciate the good things I did for you, you shouldn't expect me to be kind to you again. 

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11 Answers

2 thanks
answered by ELITE (4,084 points) 7 27 72
I think you have two options here. You can either be firm and tell these people to get lost or you can ignore them and hope they will get the hint and leave you alone, I'm not a patient person and although I don't like falling out with people I think I would have to say something, Either way you will probably get some bad feeling but at least they won't bother you any more.

I fell out with my neighbour fairly recently because I felt her child who is a lot older than my granddaughter was manipulating her. We haven't spoken for about a month and although I'm a little sad that we are not friends I am so glad I don't have the issue between her daughter and my granddaughter.  Sometimes you just have to say enough is enough even if you don't like confrontation. I'm sure you have other people in your life who value your friendship and won't give you a hard time.
replied by ELITE (3,054 points) 8 36 67
The thing is, they're actually my co-workers, and they hold a higher position. If I am to talk to them, I might just get myself in trouble because I know that they are aware of what they're doing. And if I am to point that out to them, I don't know how that's gonna end.
replied by ELITE (4,084 points) 7 27 72
That makes it more complicated. Is there no one else you can talk to about it in your workplace? It's horrible having to go into work each day if you are unhappy. Would you consider changing your job or is it hard to find other jobs where you are?
replied by ELITE (3,054 points) 8 36 67
There are a few people who I talk to and we all have the same sentiments. Yes, you are right about it being a horrible thing but I guess that can't be helped for now. I've been considering to look for another job but there are just things that prevent me from leaving. If you're the one in this situation, what would you do?
replied by ELITE (4,084 points) 7 27 72
I once left a job I liked to take another with better money. It turned out to be a disaster because the people were horrible. I stuck it for a month and then went back to my previous employer to ask for my job back. Luckily they had not found anyone and I was able to return. It taught me something because I learned that the people you work with are so important in making work a happy place.  I stayed with this employer until I retired.  

I cannot work anywhere that I am unhappy. It means I don't do my best and I dread going in each day.  If I was in your position and it couldn't be resolved then I would look for another job but of course it does depend on what the employment situation is like where you live. Don't leave yourself jobless.
replied by ELITE (3,054 points) 8 36 67
Thank you so much for sharing this. It helped me a lot. One of the reasons why I can't leave my current work is because although there are people I dislike, there are also people who are like family to me.

I hope I'll be able to make the right decision on this. Thanks again!
1 thanks
answered by (12 points) 1 1 3
Never stop being one. You're actually helping yourself being kind to other even if they are doing something annoying to you. Being kind come with being patient. You can't choose the people that you meet. Others are kind, others are also super annoying. Being kind to them helps you in the long run if you stopped being kind you could do something that you will regret later on. But always being kind won't make you regret the things that you have done to them. You may think that you wasted your time being kind to them but sooner or later those people would remember you for being kind to them even if they did something annoying or bad to you. Those things that you have done to them could be a good inspiration to them and for you. It is hard to notice the benefits of being kind to other people. For example: Being kind to everyone helps you get refreshed and have a positive view of everything. But if you stopped being kind then it could ruin your mood.
1 thanks
answered by VISIONARY (9,008 points) 7 18 73
Please never allow people misconduct makes you to stop being good if we were to go by people's attitude towards us then the world will be filled with very wicked people.Because we get hurt all the time including those that we have helped in the past.

You can still use good to kill them and they will.continue to be soaked in their misery and pains while you are still moving on.Remember it is always good over evil and we can only be rewarded by our creator only if we are good.

 So the act of kindness is timeless,there's no need being kind today and a hypocrite the next day.If we are kind then we have to remain that way against all odds. Where they're so many unkind people,they're more kind people  around, so choose to be kind at all times and remained good
1 thanks
answered by LEGEND (6,072 points) 7 22 49
edited by
One thing you should know is that there's tolerable level to everything on earth. And what you allow would definitely continue. I have come to realized that people like to take advantage of other people's kindness. Once they see you as kind they would see it as an opportunity to ride on you without considering your feelings.

The best thing to do if you find yourself in a situation where your kindness is being perceived as weakness, you just have to be stern and stick to your guns. If it's about them coming to ask for things, you can politely decline in giving them even if you know deep down in you that you have that thing they are asking you for. Or if it is them overstepping their boundaries, you have to deal with them head on either through a subtle but yet drastic means or telling it to them face to face without holding nothing back.

I presume they are taking your kindness for granted because you gave them the room for it. I will leave you with this aged long powerful lines that "familiarity breeds contempt and nobody will make you look inferior without your consent".
1 thanks
answered by LEGEND (6,395 points) 6 14 36
I don't think in your scenerio you seem kind. I think you're very inpatient and someone whose harsh. There's no way someone might come to you for confrontation and then you piss them off. But then, it depends with the person. There are some people whom you respect and you'll always love to do good to them. On the other hand,  there are other kind of people who literally irritates you.

According to me, I think you shouldn't see people and just make a conclusion of pissing them off. First listen to what they have to say then you can judge them or react in whichever way but don't be harsh. Harshness will make people fear you even if they have some important ideas and would love to share out with you. Listening is the key thing when it comes to communication.
replied by ELITE (3,054 points) 8 36 67
Uhm, I think you've made a different interpretation of my situation. I am the one being pissed off by these people. I am not aware of anything I did to them but I have learned from my friends that they are talking negatively about me behind my back. And they seem to do this to other people as well. I am doing my best to keep my patience but I don't know how long I can hold on to this.
0 thanks
answered by LEGEND (6,011 points) 6 13 27
I can understand how you feel. I know that sometimes people get in the habit of doing that without realizing how much it affects and how much they are hurting others. Other times ,they know perfectly well what they are doing and it is really their goal to piss you off. When I notice such people, I just try as much as possible to ignore them. I do not react when they expect me to and they become disappointed.
It is a bit tough because you are in a work environment. I would have said to pretend like they don't exist but that's not possible. When they get the hint that you are in bothered and you could careless about what they do, they will definitely have a rethink.Just never stop being kind to others and do not let the sins of some people rub off on others.
0 thanks
answered by ELITE (3,221 points) 5 12 23
edited by
Being or acting kind is a standard behavior that every rational person is expected to exercise often. The human psychology attributes the act of kindness as a good character judgment for a person. But being kind doesn't always pay off in my own opinion.

A kind person is the type of person everyone likes because he/she can always be relied on in certain situations. But as we all know, everybody has their different types of personality and character. Some people are considerate while others are selfish. A kind person who does dealings with selfish people might always end up displeasing he or herself to please the selfish one. This is an example of a typical situation when you need to stop being kind.

Another instance will be situations when the act of kindness can lead a person into making irrational decisions. You might think doing constant favors for a friend or loved one is being kind, but in reality, the said persons might just be using you to get what they want since your kindness sometimes clouds your judgment. I've seen situations where kind people helped other people out by ending up doing the wrong thing which gets them in trouble. This is another situation where the act of kindness needs to stopped.

But we need to understand that people who are genuinely kind do so because it's in them. They can't just decide at one point to stop being kind. Most of their kind acts are done subconsciously.
0 thanks
answered by ELITE (3,008 points) 4 13 28
I don't really think that there is a particular time that I will look at stopping being kind as this world that we are living in is the type where it is not always easy for us to see people that are kind and honest. There is something that I am looking at that can make me to think of stop being kind to those that are around and they are.

  1. When those that I am showing this kindness start  gossiping about the way that I am treating them. Then, I won't have any other option than to take away the kindness that I am showing to them as it will be stupid of me to continue.

2. If I am unable to continue to show the kindness because of one factor or the other. There are times when I may not be able to repeat a kind attitude all because there are constraints that is involved. So, when I noticed that I am having some financial issues, I may not be able to continue being kind.
0 thanks
answered by ELITE (3,548 points) 4 25 92
If you have ever been stabbed in the back before and your trust betrayed, you will stop being kind to people. Personally, I have had lots of horrible experiences with more than one person whom I trusted in my life in the past but they all ended up disappointing me on both short term and long term basis.
I had a very good friend whom I lend my hard earned money with the promise that he was going to be paying me back the money in full in 6 months time but when he was supposed to pay me, he completely refused to pay and told me that we are friends, so I should not expect him to pay me back. I really so bad about the whole thing and regretted ever helping him out when he was in need of financial assistance.
I have also had some people who never appreciated the good things I did for them, so I gave up on being kind to people.
0 thanks
answered by ELITE (3,008 points) 3 11 21
Kindness is a virtue to start with. you can never stop being nice, but endeavor to continue being nice no matter the situation. That is what the bible teaches us, we should never react, or answer back with a harsh word. Yes people can sometimes be a pain or a thorn in the flesh, but that should not stop us from being the good person that we are. in fact, it is only supposed to make us better people. it is through conflicts that we get more bold, courageous and humble. that way you can weigh your anger and know how to respond to people who will constantly annoy you. I am a perfect example, am usually the quiet type, i don't like arguments i would rather let you have your way other than argue. So long as i believe in what am saying, it doesn't really matter whether you agree with me or not. so just be kind, and somehow the person who annoys you will finally come to realize their mistakes and come and seek advice from you one day.

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