asked in Others+Miscelleneous by LEGEND (6,176 points) 5 9 21
There's this guy, he's a muslim, we've been dating for almost one year now but many times I don't feel comfortable whenever I think about my future. He's loving and all those aspects of a good boyfriend but the barrier is religion. I am just concerned about my future, whether it will affect me In some way.

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answered by (53 points) 4
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If you are dating him for almost a year you already know a lot about him. I read somewhere that according to muslins traditions they don't date as that concept don't exist in their religion if they want to be with a girl they just marry her, but times have changed and maybe he has acquired some of your culture. Even though there are some questions that, in my opinion, you need to ask yourself and maybe to him too, mainly related to religion as his religion allows marrying with more than one woman and wives are frequently seen as husband's property. I think it is also important to know if he wants you to convert to islam and if it is your will doing so.
I believe that even if he is loving in many aspects, he will want to have a wife according to his patterns and that will affect you for sure, you just need to know if you want to change to live your love with him.
replied by (1,039 points) 2 5 15
Pardon me for intruding, but your information on courting and multiple wives with regards to islam is completely wrong. 

Courtship does exist in islam but not in the way of western cultures. What is forbidden in islam lies with immoral acts, some parts of courtship like sex, just like Christianity forbids too. You can say Islamic courtship is one of a platonic affair. It is true that spouses do get paired for marriages, but not necessarily so. Self decisions can be made allowing a choice from circle of friends or someone well known. 

On the issue of Muslim men marrying multiple wives, islam doesn't encourage it, rather, it says otherwise. The Prophet during his time was quoted to have said, "do not marry more than one woman, except you can have equal love for them". This simply means that having more than one wife is un-justifiable as no one can possibly have the same level feelings or love for two different people at the same time. 
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answered by ELITE (4,679 points) 2 5 16
Personally I will go with any religion provided I'm comfortable with it,they're worshiping the true God and it all about good or evil.So you just have to study a religion to be sure of what you're getting into.

But going by the Bible as a Christian we are admonish not to unequally yoked with unbelievers.So you must research well into a religion so as to be on the same page with an unbeliever before you will be tempted too unless you will be able to draw the unbeliever to God before marrying the person. Don't get into what will make you disobey God and his principles. If you're already feeling somehow about the union or relationship now that marrisge is still not done,then you quit it.

If you know you will still want to remain a Christian then you should have a rethink.
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answered by ELITE (3,855 points) 5 12 40
edited by
I think if you have any doubts at all then you should be careful as religion has come between people before especially with parents.  They often want their child to marry into someone of the same religion. How do your parents feel about the relationship, are they happy? How do  his parents feel? In the end it is down to both you and your partner but I would say don't go into anything you are not sure of because you don't want to create problems for yourself later on.

I had a similar problem once. It was not religion but a big age difference. I was 10 years older than the man I was dating. Although I told myself it didn't matter it really did and people would mention it and make me feel uncomfortable. Some people can make a big age difference work but if either party has doubts it won't and it didn't for me. When it ended I was sad but I was also relieved that I didn't have to worry about the age gap any more.
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answered by ELITE (3,206 points) 3 9 21
There's absolutely nothing wrong to date someone that is not of the same religion with you. As long as the person is loving and caring and you are sure you love him, you guys can work something out in the future. All these barriers are created by the society, that it is out of place for two people from different religions to spend the rest of their lives together. It's a stereotype that has way long been perpetuated by those that are oblivious of how equal we are before our God.

Sadly, these walls that has been erected by man preventing one from settling down with the other person of his/her preference is something instituted by religious bigots and fanatics. The good news is, God is not in support of this kind of division.

Finally, if your parents are not the issue, you can go ahead and be together for now and in the future. But if they are also among those that share the narrow minded sentiment of two people of different religions not to get married, I don't think there's much both of you can do about the whole relationship.
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answered by ELITE (4,011 points) 4 6 18
Religion should not be a barrier for two people in love but unfortunately, many societies do not share this sentiment. You already said that you've been going on almost a year now. This says that you both are already comfortable with each other and you understand him to a good extent. By that I mean you should be able to catch a glimpse of the future with him. I don't think he's a concern but rather the people around both of you surrounding the circumstance.

I also think that he should have more to worry about because his own religion permits his union with another faith as long as she's a believer of God. However, I'm not sure about your faith since perhaps he'd be referred to as an unbeliever.

In the end, it all depends on both of you. If there's an opposing force and you decide to stick it out against all odds. You need to be sure that's what you really want.
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answered by LEGEND (7,411 points) 4 14 37
This is a very difficult decision to make for you and your future. I had a friend who finally decided to marry the love of her life. He too was muslin. They were so happy together and lived a great life. He was a hard worker and they had 3 wonderful little girls. He did want a boy, but it wasn't happening. One day his mom got sick and he had to go back home. His family was from Iraq. Her husband took the family with him. They were only to stay there for a month and then return home. Once he arrived and was reunited with his family everything changed. She was forced to live like a muslin wife and follow the rules. This was very hard on her and she had no idea what to do.
After a month her husband announced that they would be moving there and living there. She didn't want to raise her 3 children there and was afraid for them. She wanted to take the children and go back home. He allowed her to leave, but he refused to allow the children to leave. She was basically forced into living there with him to protect her children. Even when she was allowed to return home to visit her family he refused to allow the children to leave. She had to go and return home.
To make this story short, he wanted a son. So he found a second woman to marry. He did marry her and had 4 children with her. The two women had to live in the same house and share her husband. She was forced to accept this arrangement and was very unhappy. Over the years we have lost touch and I have no idea what has happened to her. I know that she was so happy when she was first married. But going to his homeland made life unbearable and hard for her to accept what had happened.
This is a very common story and happens a lot. According to my friend, she meets some other women in Iraq that were living there and not happy because after they married and had children the mother got sick and the son returned home. I'm not saying this will ever happen to you. I know a lot of muslin men from my work and they are so loving and kind and the wife is extremely happy and lives in a wonderful home. This will all depend on the man you are dating, where his family is, and how he was raised.
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answered by (1,039 points) 2 5 15

One year is a pretty long time, and to have dated him for this long, a lot of effort was exercised to make it a successful realtionship. Why would you want to give it all away due to societalal defaults and sentiments? 

I think I can relate to one or two reasons why you have doubts or difficulties picturing you two as married couples. You feel you might hurt or at worst, loose your family because they probably might not approve of the relationship. You fear that when you two get married and have children,  your kids will be faced with the difficult choice of choosing which religion to follow or have faith in. 

Pardon me for saying this, but I think you already have the answer. I want to take you for a mature and rational person, and in saying so, it's right to think that you careless what religious barriers you two have and that's why you dived into the relationship which so far has been great drawing from your own words. If it were left to you alone, you'd walk down the aisle. I think you should do so if it's what you want. You're doing it for your happiness and not your family's. At some point, we all leave our immediate families to start our very  family. No one should go into such commitment without happiness as the rest of your life depends on the choices you make today.

And the possible thought on the kid's future with regards to faith, well, i guess you'll find a way out when it gets to that point. wink  

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