asked in Love+Relationships by LEGEND (6,072 points) 7 22 49
replied by (253 points) 1 2 11
My answer is different with the other responses. For now, my answer is no. I can not be close friends with my ex boyfriend because I can not be friend to someone who cheated on me and said bad things about me.

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7 Answers

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answered by VISIONARY (9,060 points) 5 21 51
When I first got a divorce from my ex-husband I had always imagined that we would stay close friends for our daughter's sake. I always wanted him in her life, but he had other plans. He moved away and returned back to where he came from. He immediately found another woman and got married and had 2 more children. He never once looked back or cared about his daughter he left behind. It was 37 years later he decided to come around and try and find her.

We talked over the phone and I explained to him that she was now married and had her own family. That she had long forgotten about him and didn't miss him at all in her life. He kept in touch with me begging and pleading for me to help him get in touch with him. At this time I thought that wow maybe now we can just be friends for her sake and the grandkids sake. In the end, it was just like before. He had divorced his second wife and was looking to get married to his third wife. He now lost his daughter from his second marriage and wanted our daughter back in his life. He ended up being the jerk he always was. I told him that in the end, he would regret this because when I am there in the US, I am with her and the family. If he wanted to be there for the holidays or other important events then it would be wise if we could remain as friends. He still doesn't believe that we should be friends. So if you ask me my answer is no. There is normally one party or the other that will block this and try to stop it from happening.
replied by LEGEND (6,072 points) 7 22 49
Wow, it's quite a touching narrative you gave to support your answer. You are saying that it becomes difficult to be a close friend to your ex due to inevitable influencers.
replied by VISIONARY (9,060 points) 5 21 51
I wouldn't say it would be because of inevitable influences. I would say it is more because of the way people are. There are some people who feel it is in the best interest of the children to be friends and not fight. Where others just want to be rude and mean and cause problems. They can't see beyond their own selfish desires and that is what makes it hard to be friends. 
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answered by ELITE (4,083 points) 7 26 72
It is indeed. I am very close friend with my ex husband. At first we were on very bad terms because I didn't want the relationship to end but he did. I did everything I could to make him suffer because I was so hurt , kept his children from him, ignored his phone calls etc. Over time I realised I was being unfair because they wanted to see him and I could see that I was making them suffer too so I gave in and let them see him.  I can see I was wrong now but when we are hurt we don't always behave rationally,

Most of my ex partners I have not stayed in touch with but because my husband and I had children to think about we have worked together to make things good for them. I am glad now because when you move on and those feelings of misery go away it's good to be friends. I think of him as one of my closest friends.
replied by LEGEND (6,072 points) 7 22 49
I really empathize with the man by trying to put myself in his shoes when you were trying to get even with him. It's always like that especially when we feel hurt basically when we didn't expect the relationship to end. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I really appreciate your contribution.
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answered by LEGEND (6,394 points) 6 14 36
Yes that's very possible. In fact a certain ex of mine we broke up two years ago, we're very close friends. The most important thing is maintaining our boundaries. He moved on and I did move on also and we both are aware about that.This isn't always the case with many people. Your relationship with someone after you've broken up will depend on how you ended the relationship. If you end it up like mature people you can always be friends. But then, if you end it up quarreling and throwing words at each other, trust me no one would love to see each other ever.

Its always advisable to end a relationship well because you don't know where you'll get the person and he maybe of great help to you.
replied by LEGEND (6,072 points) 7 22 49
For there to be close friendship between two partners who has gone their separate ways, they must have ended the relationship on a good note. Point noted thank.
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answered by LEGEND (6,086 points) 3 27 50
At first, I don't understand the question, until I read the responses. Well, it is possible to be friends with your ex? Yes, I think so. With maturity sakes and for the good of all the good memories you had, you can be friends with them. Being friends with people have levels. Maybe you can be friends with them like you will talk about your plans or some of your history, but not to the point that you will go on the date with them, unless when you are with a bunch of friends. Some ex's are friends because of their children. They need to be in good terms or decided to be friends because that is what their children wants. Also, you need to forgive each other so being friends is another chance to be at good terms with them. I had learned lots of friends who are ex's but they are good friends.
replied by LEGEND (6,072 points) 7 22 49
Correctly said my friend. You can definitely be a friend to your ex as long as the motive is pure and genuine. Why would  you be an enemy to someone you once claim to love? It sounds absurd, right?
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answered by VISIONARY (9,008 points) 7 17 71
I always believe we can still be friends with an ex but not close friends but this is just me,I'm liberal like that but some people might think otherwise because an ex should remain an ex, a forgotten person and that's why ex is appended to the said person.

Well,if there's any reason why one should remain friends with a person after a relationship then so be  it especially if they both left the relationship on mutual grounds and still believe they could be good friends why not, for the mere fact no one will get hurt in the process then they can go ahead.

I can still be friends with my ex if she will never interfere with my new relationship or try to hurt me in any way.
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answered by LEGEND (6,011 points) 6 13 26
I am still close friends with my ex. We have really great times talking and it is just pure because we've both moved on. So yes it is possible. I also think that it depends on how you ended the relrelationship. If you didn't talk things through and get closure, you are likely not to remain friends.

When we first broke up, it was bad and we weren't talking. Somehow we talked things through maturely. I had all the answers I needed and now we are such good friends with no strings attached. I think that even if you don't remain friends, don't remain as foes or enemies as well. It makes things complicated and some people may never get over it that way.
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answered by (101 points) 1 4
Friendship is more pure and beautiful than any other relationship. If both of you want to befriend I mean good friends, then it's completely ok. But if you think that something magical will happen then you are on the wrong side. Remember the choice is yours, what actually you want to do.

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